shakes his head sadly, saying, "Then you will have to pay the penalty- life in prison." I say, "Okay, I'll clean it."    My thoughts returned to my hospital room. A numbness began to spread through my body. As my mind reviewed many past experiences in my life, I realized that the events in themselves did not seem so important as the underlying attitudes I had held concerning the people in each situation. Although some of my attitudes were good, I discovered that I had built resentments toward certain people. Suddenly I realized that, just as I was helplessly caught in suffering, these individuals were caught in a web of action and reaction that caused them to treat me the way they did. As I forgave each one who had hurt me, I thought, "How sad it is that I am dying and don't have the chance to tell everyone how much I truly love them." My feeling of love spread to include other people I had known. As my life unfolded before me, the only judgment I faced was my own. When each judgment of others and myself was dissolved by forgiveness and love, I cried as I had never cried before.    All pain ceased and I lost awareness of my body. Love, peace and joyful ecstasy began flowing through me as a vibration that I can only describe as "electric." Long-held negative attitudes were removed and I could identify them as they left: fear, hate, hurt and resentment, the four emotions that had made me ill. I prayed, "Dear God, it no longer makes any difference if I live or die. Not my will, but Your will be done." For the first time in my life I attempted no bargains with God— I truly gave up my will without any strings attached.    Peacefully, I witnessed an arc of indescribable white light growing and blocking out a portion of my room. It had vibrational sensations of complete love, joy and peace. I thought, "So this is what death is like." The edge of the circle began to glow in rainbow-colored light. In its center, a shape began to form and I wondered if it could be Jesus. The image solidified—it was my grandmother. She looked twenty years younger than at the time of her death. She told me that I had finished what I was here to 22

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